Ha ha. The cable company HATES it when I call. Bad news for them - I've already diagnosed the issue and let them know that it's their fault and usually what it is. I typically get silence on the end followed by "Let me transfer you to a tech."
And I was one of the techs that would get transferred to. The job I had up until recently, I called customers back when the techs and agents wouldn't do their jobs (i.e. sending a tech out because "some channels are in Spanish") and educating over the phone (do you have an SAP button? press that. Viola!). The company really did tell everyone to make sure everything was the user's fault, because sending technicians out was expensive.
Here's how I did it (when managers weren't listening):
Me: Hi, what operating system do you have?
IF
Them: Windows XP Pro SP 2 (or something equally knowledgeable)
Me: What's the problem?
Them: Can't get online.
Me: Check to see if something's messed with your proxy settings.
Them: Already did.
Me: Sending a tech.
IF
Them: Linux (or even better, when they'd say something like "Gutsy Gibbon" to try to throw me off, ha!)
Me: Can you be the one there when the tech arrives?
IF
Them: Mac OSX Snow Leopard (or the system number)
Me: And what have you tried?
Them: *lists off several things*
Me: Sending a tech.
IF
Them: I think it's a Mac.
Me: Usually standard Mac troubleshooting. Usually had them go to the Apple store, as there were several close to our service area, unless it was blatantly our problem or we got it with the basic stuff.
IF
Them: Windows?
Me: What version?
Them: Ummm....99?
Me: Can I talk to your son??
IF
Them: What's an operating system?
Me: Yeah, not gonna be our problem, probably. Might want to see about having PC repair look at it.
It's not really right, but this is the way that I kept the length of my calls under the requirements (affected my bonus) and kept my technicians from having a ton of repeat calls (as going back out to a house over and over affected THEIR bonuses).