I know what you mean especially as of late
. The older I get the harder it is and I feel like i'm running out of time. I pick things apart in my mind a lot and alienate myself unknowingly. It's my biggest pain lately and makes me very depressed. It feels good knowing their are many others out there, especially in this community that feel this way too. It really sucks and it gets harder as time passes to find the will or way to build a good friendship that isn't with someone out to use or hurt you. It just never works right for me anymore. And most friends of today are usually just friends digitally. It's the state of the world.
I feel like I don't put enough effort into fixing things or caring for people enough sometimes too. I probably need counceling. It's just scary to face the stuff. It's so much easier to just be Arthur Morgan or someone you wish you could be in real life.
I think eventually I will vacation and get out to some of these meet and greets and expos with other gamers. Maybe even cosplay. That'd be a good place to try to find friends.
And in the mean time, I have the essential building blocks to keep positive.
Plus in these forums. I consider many of you my friends.
Hope all is best for you DashV and everyone else