Insecurities have gotten a hold of me. And life is a ever impending sound sucking vortex of darkness. I feel acid rain, and a feeling of like being on a stage in front of 8 billion people, curtain opens, anticipating snickers as I approach a microphone, my mind mixes words up but can't form anything worth conveying to the earth. The one and only person who truly ever loved me, stands with her green glistening eyes, witnessing me change in a spiral of depression. And losing hope for me
Me being a shell of what I was, losing popularity and nobody standing by me in the face of adversity. Dying alone. In a hospital bed with a tear rolling down my cheek as I begin to ascend to the other realm of existence spirtually, the glow of incandescent bulbs illuminating a bright white tiled hospital floor with not one single person by my bedside. No children, no wife, no friends and no family. Just the sense of coldness as the heart rate monitor gives the deafening beep of lifelessness. Seeing the green neon spike turn to a flat line as I float. The lights turn dark. Dull. Meloncholy. Knowing of no greater hell than what I have been uplifted from. My queen giving up on me
. Letting me wither in the mud filled trenches of mediocrity like squidward. Punching a punch card to work a mundane worthless 9-5 existence.
I guess i'm trying to capture lightning in a bottle twice, the magic that started it all. Tragic..... The more I chase that ghost the more it alludes me. I've lost sight of what's important as the neon flickers in these fog drenched london streets. Cobblestone roads with the pattering of rain drops. I smell the musk of Jack the Ripper. I hear spirits whispering.
I'm going seek therapy tomorrow. Hopefully the waiting list isn't too long. Hopefully my HMO covers it. I think my mind is so broken at this point, the therapist will need a therapist. I prey their is hope for me.
It's all because of the selfishness of my past. Karma is swift like a Ginzu knife.
God bless all of you.
I pose the question. Have any of you seeked therapy? Do you have a councelor? Do they work?