Adventures of Lolo (Dammit, Lala, you'd better not get kidnapped again...)
Astyanax (Navi should've taken a few cues from Cutie.)
Bomberman (He may have become a human being, but with the trail of dead balloons and onions he'll never regain his humanity.)
Bubble Bobble (What do you mean BAD END?? I don't have any friends!!)
Castlevania II: Simon's Quest (That was it?? I guess he was just really thirsty.)
Chip 'N Dale: Rescue Rangers (Smoking kills, kids.)
Contra (I'll never eat shrimp again. Okay, maybe just one more.)
Crystalis (Ahh, now I can finally relax, turn myself into a girl, and go dolphin riding.)
Dragon Warrior (BUT THOU MUST!!!)
Dragon Warrior II (Couldja move yer wings a lil bit there, Malroth, need to see my numbers.)
Dragon Warrior III (Thank you everyone! I must now go drop my necklace in a swamp...)
Dragon Warrior IV (See you guys! Get ahold of me in about sixteen years when you have different names.)
DuckTales (Fastest climber in Duckburg.)
Faria: A World of Mystery and Danger (Ahh, now I can finally relax, turn myself into a... aw crap.)
Felix The Cat (I actually beat this game the first time I played it. It was then that I realized I was the chosen one. Then I remembered Battletoads.)
Fester's Quest (You're our hero, Christopher Lloyd!)
Gun.Smoke (Didn't I just kill you??)
Kirby's Adventure (I always wondered why Kirby never poops.)
Legend of Zelda, The (Note to self: Don't touch a red bubble.)
Little Samson (How can something so cute be so expensive?)
M.C. Kids (The hardest part about beating this game was refraining from dancing to the music.)
Mario Bros. (Yes, I sat down for a couple hours and played all the way through Phase: 0 once.)
Mega Man (Dr. Wahwee...)
Mega Man 2 (Wat r u doin...)
Mega Man 3 (DR. WAHWEE, STAHHP!)
Mendel Palace (You kiss the princess, I'll kiss the whiny evil bitch.)
Metroid (I beat this game so fast she took ALL her clothes off.)
Mighty Final Fight (You kids come in and get some lunch when y'all are done fightin'!)
Monster in My Pocket (Actually, I'm just happy to see you.)
Princess Tomato In The Salad Kingdom (I still don't know what a persimmon is.)
Rampage (What the hell happened to Michigan!?)
Solstice: The Quest for the Staff of Demnos (Excuse me, Shadax, you "what" the Staff of Demnos??)
Super Dodge Ball (In Soviet Russia, BALL PLAYS YOU!)
Super Mario Bros. (In all my years, I've still never been able to do the staircase shell 1UP thing.)
Super Mario Bros. 2 (I'll never eat eggs again. Okay, maybe just one more.)
Super Mario Bros. 3 (You're lucky I let you finish that sentence, Peach.)
Swords and Serpents (The maps I drew. Oh, god, the maps.)
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Arcade Game (Has anyone ever resisted taking a swipe at the skateboarding chick?)
Willow (You're our hero, Professor Flitwick!)
Wizards & Warriors (Granted, the only reason I beat this game is because of unlimited continues.)
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link (You mean he was right behind me the WHOLE TIME??)
Games in which I got to the final boss, got the crap kicked out of me, then unceremoniously conceded:
Kiwi Kraze (Fuck you, Wally Walrus, you fat, kidnapping... walrus.)
Ninja Gaiden (Fuck you, Jaquio, why don't you come down from there and fight like a... whatever the hell you are?)
Whomp 'Em (Fuck you.)
