As someone who is inexperienced/bad at racing & driving games as well, I know exactly what you're talking about. While it's going to vary from game to game, for most titles it's less that the slip n' slide car is poorly programmed & more that it's designed for a very experienced player. With subtle enough button presses & stick movements, it will control, but you need to know how & where to make those adjustments.
For a similar experience, look to rhythm games on high difficultly. You can't make a full, solid press and have enough time to reset your fingers for the next button. You need to be able to apply the minimal amount of pressure to register the button so you can move through all the inputs fast enough, as well as learning the exact tempo & buttons to be hitting. I have an easier time with these games due to the audio cues, but I still struggle & fail at the highest difficulties- my reflexes just aren't up for it.
I may need to learn these kinds of games better soon, as I just recently bought the only driving game in my collection. I have a handful of racing games- mostly Mario Karts, a Wipeout, retro stuff, etc. But a few months ago I got myself a copy of Driver: San Francisco. I'd watched a video review and was intrigued by the bonkers story. The end of the review pointed out the game's been quietly delisted from online stores (music licensing stuff), so I wanted to get a copy before the secondhand market dried up. I played a bit- and boy do I suck- but I find myself drawn to the world the game's created. There's a LOT of detail in this game. I look forward to klutzing my way through it in the future!