H: A truly noble goal, just like Micheal Bay's continued efforts to wow the Chinese box office despite the US despising him. Bot everything can be so mushy, though. The world is full of conflict. Who would win in a fight between Mario, Sonic, Megaman, Cloud, The Hulk, Scrooge McDuck, Captain Picard, Kratos, Parappa the Rappa, Dr. Doom, Dr. Strange, Homer Simpsons, Felix the Cat, The Joker, Scooby Doo, Ivan Drago, Soera, JonTron, Captain Crunch, Scooby Dumb, Bob Hoskins, Speed Buggy, Bobbin Threadbare, Brave Fencer Musashi, Cleopatra, Jesus Christ, Allah, Simba, Doodlebob, Cobra Commander, Spinelli, Mr. Moviephone, Bilbo Baggins, Chandelure, Mr. Bucket, Tinkmaster Overspark, Littlefoot, The Brave Little Toaster, Porky Pig, Metallica, The Little Rascals, JFK, Papa Smurf, The Angry Video Game Nerd, Wally Bear & the No Gang, Chubby Checker, Fats Domino, Obese Backgammon, Backgammodorf, Pugsley Addams, Dick Dastardly, The Universal Remonster, a Regular Dog, Sterling Archer, Car RamRod, the Little Red Hen, Scrappy Doo, Seth Green, Chuck E. Cheese, Mr. Clean, Klaptrap, Vladamir Putin, a Washing Machine, Worf and Link?
MvC2: Wow, this is such a tough choice from all these amazing legends of my childhood
. Such a vast and diverse list of icons who made life special. But if i had to choose one i would go with the underappreciated humble Mr. Clean.
. It is so heart warming to see his unrecognized immortal glory amongst this list of heroes. The bald angel sent to clean all our kitchen appliances with flare. As he cleans grime off of counter tops he peels back a layer of time itself. He opens our hearts with every package of magic erasers. He distorts the polarity of earth. He is an immortal demi-god and the ads never show his true potential. He is humble enough to show restraint on his powers. He just smiles and cleans the permenant marker off your cartridges. He created the big bang and the entire milky way galaxy. He is far more complex than we may ever know. He can manipulate cell structure to break away bacteria and grime. He kills 99.9 percent of germs. He also applies silver body paint and becomes the silver surfer.
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The smiling image of Mr. Clean brings a sense of serenity in us all. H: It's been rumored that you know the answer to an elusive question that has long plagued humanity's collective consciousness. Tell us, MarvelVsCapcom2, finally and definitively, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
MvC2: The physical limits of the wood chuck is one of the most profound aspects of modern philosophy
. I wish i could have spoken with Aristotle to see what he would make of such a quandary. The perplexity of it is mind boggling. I bet many of the worlds war were fought because of it. It's a modern wonder far greater than the great pyramid of giza. Much like how humans can imagine almost anything aside from a new color. Why can't we know the unknown or develop new figments of the world by imagining them? The millions of ways it can be thought of alone make it flabbergasting. What if the wood chuck wasn't a Chuck to begin with? What if it were a Carl? If the wood chuck could chuck wood i would say that it would chuck the necessary wood need to build an dam. Which i would estimate around 700 pounds worth per day. But the Wood chucks motives of chucking said wood could be to anger the local bear for amusement. If such a motive was the case. maybe 20 pounds of wood would be enough to get a laugh as the bear got angry from being harassed.
H: There has recently been a lot of buzz that I just made up around your two forum signatures, involving Shigeru Miyomoto and President Donald Trump. How would a meeting between these two influential figures go down?
MvC2: Trump would do a distasteful hip hop inspired dance to Drake's pop style as it played on his radio and Miyamoto will give him the infamous thumbs down to thumbs up gag he did to Fallon but in reverse switching his thumbs up to a thumbs down slaying his entire existence in one motion. Trump would than express his deep concerns for the need to build a giant gold wall and make Sony pay for it. A wall so massive that it would keep PS4 from exporting games out of Japan and hault Xbox from distributing games to Japan making Nintendo kings of the global video game trade routes. Nintendo ships will be built with giant F-15 fighter jets that would patrol shipping barges and keep the coastal video game trade routes nintendo owned. This would be brought to the UN and to the Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe who will decline and hault the wall's construction due to PS4's impact on Japanese infrastructure thus causing world war 3. PS4 with threat of nuclear devestation from North Korea and while being cornered by Russia and the UK would sieze making games thus causing Xbox to attack Nintendo with slanderous ads causing Trump to attack his own country with chemical warfare to destroy xbox, causing him to be impeached and replaced with Bill Clinton who will bring nuclear peace to gaming by releasing the PS2 mini with 50 HD games built in resirecting sony from the brink and dominating the globe again. He would destroy the great wall of nintendo and keep individual game distribution democracy in tact.
H: You added a somehow CIB Gold Nintendo World Championship cartridge to your collection recently. Tell us the exciting story of how you acquired one, which clearly didn't have anything to do with the fact I had started following you the day before and collect NES games!
MvC2: The NWC gold cart came from a secretive trade i made with a very anonymous member of a secret society of collectors who live underground in dimly lit file room somewhere in the Nevada Dessert. One was named DJ Killer Keemstar i think. I traded him a mint copy of Mary Kate and Ashley's get a clue for gameboy with a legit board. Their was alot of debating of it's legitimacy and an expert was brought in. But in the end it was confirmed. In return i got a CIB copy of NWC 1990 Gold with the prototype box. The Box is all white with a red stamp that says Confidential Prototype cart 1 of 1 which i assume greatly hurts it's value. I am willing to trade it for Color a Dinosaur if anyone wants to.
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H: What is the best home media format? What is the best 80's movie to watch on said best home media format?
MvC2: VHS is the best home media type because the vinyl tape inside of them smells very incredible when aged in the plastic clam shell cases
. I love VHS tapes very much. The sound of the clunk they make when inserted and the hum of the VHS player spinning it's heads. It's all so magical. The best movie to watch on VHS is E.T the extraterrestrial. E.T is so deep and is part of a lot of the media manipulation that happens but E.T was a real extraterrestrial. The reese's peices were invented in the movie but they werent invented by humans at all. E.T is from a parallel dimension where they had Reese's pieces to begin with. The same dimension that causes the Mandela effect. Changes in the time space continuum can alter things in our world. Like the spelling of Berenstain bears when most remember it as Berenstein. E.T is a demonstration of a cross between two planes of existence. That's why the CGI was so ahead of it's time. It was never special effects. It was really E.T who graced us in 1982. Who knows what they did to him
H: Sonic and Mario both apply for the same mid-level management job in your moderately successful sea-food restaurant chain. Which one do you hire and why?
MvC2: That is a really good question and a tough business decision to make.
. But i think sonic has more flare and youuth, he has pizzazz, he has moxie
. the slick backed blue fur, the red sneakers. He looks hip and instalikable. He looks like he could run a Coffee spot in Santa Monica and relate with all the surf boarders and graffiti artists. He looks like he has an Iphone 7 fulled with Imagine Dragons and Paramore. Mario seems more wholesome and iconic. A staple. Heritage and old values. Sonic looks like he has been subbed to Leafy for 2 years now. All the teenage millenials will relate with him and the business will flood. We can release a dish called popcorn fish like popcorn chicken. But if i look at resume. Mario is a doctor, a painter, professional dancer, plumber, a royal apprentice, an astronaut, racer and a brawler and both of them are multiple time olympic gold medalists. He is one man for many jobs the restaraunt may need
. It's so tough. Two star studded illustrious legends. Mario may have one of the most impressive resumes i have ever seen. But he also seems like he would ask a higher wage. But i think i would hire Sonic just because he gives more of a millenial flare to the resuraunt, Mario is too PC. Sonic brings edge and youth that will be sure to go viral and fill the seats. Plus he is very speedy so i wouldn't have to worry about him being late for work. He also seems more neat and focused on the job. Mario has to save a princess ever 2 years. His vacation time will be out of this world and Luigi will have to fill in for him. It will be a PR disaster.
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H: How? When? Where? What? Why?
MvC2: By bus, Disney World in Orlando Florida, 2 years, 3 months, 5 days, 2 hours, 16 minutes and 11 seconds from now, a vacation, To meet goofy and give him a hug for protecting me in kingdom hearts 1. I don't know if goofy understands how much he meant back there with Jafar. I was done for. Goofy threw me a hyper potion out of no where. I can never repay him for that. I have to at least try.
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H: Is morality black and white, or numerous shades of grey? Do the ends justify the means? Is the suffering of a few justifiable for the continued comfort of many? These are the kinds of philosophical questions I would entrust only to you.
MvC2: Morality is a vast and expansive shade of grey
. 50 shades of grey that make up our entire thought process and existence. The ying to the yang and the vast differences of intellectual debate all balled up into one never ending maze with differing variables so complex. Morality is knowledge. Longed for and precious. Subjective and inspiring and always so much to know and gain. Some may say Batman shouldn't kill because no wrong makes a right and killing is evil. But Batman should have killed Joker because Joker has killed many and harmed many. Killing joker is an act of negative morality and a decision on the dark spectrum of our mind but in turn it would save many lives thus outweighing it's evil for good. Thus making batman just as responsible for Joker's wrong doings as he himself is because Batman has had chances to kill him.
. The act of bad is moral when it is made to benefit many i think
. Only in reason though.
H: Who are your top 5 characters you'd put in Super Smash Brothers 8?
MvC2: Mr. Miyamoto, King Boo, Wolf Link, BOTW Zelda, Dr. Wiley, Godzilla, Mike Tyson, Nurse Joy
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H: Those seemed to be 8 choices for SSB5, rather than 5 choices for SSB8, but if you think anyone would turn down more look at portion sizes of American fast food compared to the rest of the world! But now it's time for the real question:
Who's that Pokemon?! MvC2: United Airlines
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(At this point in the interview both MarvelVsCapcom2 and I where forced off the United Airlines flight where the interview was taking place with violence because the flight had been overbooked. They apparently need room for some employees and they busted my skull while MarvelVsCapcom2 yelled in a panic how he was a doctor and had to get back home for patients.)
H: Well, that was crazy! But finally, what are your plans for the future?
MvC2: My plans for the future are to study the diversions and rewiring tactics that have been implemented in modern education institutions "schools" and the inner working of our non humanitarian governments while also trying to balance happiness and love and sanctity in our eco system.
I also want to become soley dependant on Soylent dietary shake supplements so i can cut back on my dependence on the wider spectrum of carbon based life forms. I also want to buy a Color a Dinosaur cart for NES. Preferably CIB. I played an emulator and loved it quite a lot.
Thank you for having me on the show. it was such an honor to be here with all of you and to answer all these incredible questions. May all of you have a great night.
With the interview complete MarvelVsCapcom2 ascended back the heavens to grace us all with his questions once more.
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