Dear Diary Entry #23: 2020 has been a blessing in ways I can't ever fathom, subconiously, mentally, physically. I have met people who I never thought i'd ever meet before. From all over the world. People from Greece, Algeria, South Africa, Morocco, And my glistening fiancee from the sunshine state of California
All from one game page. Proving games can break barriers, unite people, bring love together, and in ways I really can't describe the emotions involved in it. Video games in more ways than one have saved my life. Through every break up, any hardship, any storm. You turn on that N64, summer vacation, the night time air filling the room. That red LED glow. It's like you turn the power on and you're free. How something with a negative stigma such as games can bring so much pure, unfiltered happiness to millions. It makes me feel that when gamestop tried to argue that video games are essential commerce. I feel to some they are medicine. A crutch to battle anxiety and demons. And video games for me define every loving characteristic and happy part about my current life.
I fall more than I run, I fail more than win. but I try to be better for all of you people
A better version of myself.
The outlet this forum provides for me, the heartwarming, wholesome community I see here around the holidays can never be understated. How everyone was willing to pool in and buy the gifts for a participant who had no secret santa after a unexpected back out. The community spirit of togetherness. Being a part of it is something i'll never forget. 2 short weeks later I found my now future wife. I feel you guys built me into the person I am. I have never told anyone this, it's pretty nice that nobody reads this so It will probably still remain my secret. But at age 11 I was sexually assaulted by someone I loved, and trusted with all of my sancity and health
. For a long period of my life, I didn't know how to love again. Love to me was humiliation, pain and fear. The words of berating echoed in my mind. I spent much of my teenage life, being heart shattered. I didn't know how to feel that sense of uphoric bliss of just falling in love because I had mental barries, spiritual blockades up to prevent myself from being shredded again. I didn't know how to love. I was a shattered vase, living an existence of mediocrity. I dreamt of having what everyone else around me achieved. A wife, a kid, a life like you see in the hallmark movies and the girl I met this year acts as a glue. Fulfills every one of those dreams I dreamt but gave me 10000 more. I feel we are eachother's safety nets in a way. I feel at my most happiest when i'm with her. Whole, happy, complete. And I would not change it for the world.