Around June last year, my wife had a falling-out with her sister and mom. It lasted all the way to just before Christmas when my wife decided that she had to let it go, they were her family and it wasn't healthy for them or the children who are cousins. Nobody really said sorry for anything and things just kind of went back to a semblance of normal. For awhile.
Cut to May this year (2015), and our nephew (my wife's sister's son) who has Asperger Syndrome (a form of autism), ran away from home and moved out on his own, taking with him a chunk of money from a court settlement. At this point, we didn't have much to do with him and his great grandmother and great uncle (my wife's grandmother and uncle) helped get him settled, get an apartment, a job, etc. Because of the circumstances of his upbringing and his issues, he was always on heavy meds. Too much in my mind, but who am I to say anything? He actually became meaner and meaner over the years to the point where he would physically harm his mom, stepfather and grandmother. When he left, he told them if he ever gets his hands on a gun he would kill them all. His mother, step-father and grandmother washed their hands of him and told him he was dead to them.
So naturally, as these people are all my F'd up family through marriage, I don't want anything bad to happen. So I start going over to my nephew's house to check on him, see what frame of mind he is in, discourage him from trying to purchase a firearm...stuff like that. Well while momma doesn't want anything to do with her boy, she's somehow managed to log into his online banking and monitor what he's spending money on. We don't really hear anything from my wife's sister and mom, but something seems off. You can tell when something is off. I thought it was just resentment because I started going to check on the boy and make sure he wasn't an accident waiting to happen. But boy...it was worse.
Through his mother's spying, she saw that he made a debit at the mall in Chesterfield which is about 75 miles away and knew I had to have been the one to take him. I come home from work, a normal day or so I thought. I ask my wife how things are going and she says "Well, World War III has fucking started." So I start looking at her texts and it's full of her mom accusing us-and me more specifically-of using our nephew for his money. To make a long story short, it's bullshit and it's categorically false.
They saw that he would spend $50 (for example) at Pizza Hut, or $60 at Pasta House, etc. So I guess they just assumed he was buying us dinner all the time. The fact of the matter is the boy never had money, had no idea of the value of money and he was kept like a caveman or retard his entire childhood and teen years. He was doped up and told to go away anytime he wanted to talk, ask a question...anything. So he would call a place that delivers (since he only has a scooter and no license or car) and make a big ass order. So I guess those food orders coupled with me taking him to the mall with me to a video game store was enough "information" for them to concoct a story in their heads how we were leaching off of him and whatever else they thought.
My wife went ballistic on her mom and I also texted her, though mine were pretty civil. She refused to answer back when confronted with the facts and then even went so far as to accuse us of getting money from him for our trip to Florida. The money for which was used from my wife's accident settlement at work. But you get the idea. People who are going to think like that and come up with conspiracy theories wont' listen to the truth if you smashed their face with it.
Since that happened back around late June, they didn't call, text, write, nothing. Our two girls who are their nieces and granddaughters would try to call or text them. No answer. So my wife said screw them. Well, here comes the day after Christmas and she gets a four page scathing text from her sister saying how she hasn't done shit, doesn't know what our problem is, how my wife is changed and not for the better. Just this list of bullshit.
So yeah, I know what you are talking about warmsignal. Even though it hurts or you might think you are doing the wrong thing because they are family, you have to cut that toxic crap out of your life.
And about my nephew, he stopped taking his meds shortly after leaving home. He's not angry anymore. He's happy. He laughs, jokes, has fun and everyone in the apartment complex likes him. He's goofy. The way he was raised, he never learned to socially interact with other people and so he says and does things that while not outrageous, just aren't quite right. I have to tell him to keep it down when we are out in public because he talks loudly and says things that could possibly offend someone. He's getting better. He also keeps his apartment clean unlike his slovenly upbringing where his mother and grandmother are basically hoarders that keep buying and just piling shit up all around their houses.
I'm not going to be able to undue the damage of his upbringing in six months. But he's much better than he was when he left home and I hope to continue to help him better himself and learn to live out among society despite his mental health issues.
And if anyone is interested, I posted a funny ass video of him trying to demonstrate the use of nunchucks to me and my youngest daughter. You can see the video on YouTube under "nunchuck nitwit." It's pretty hilarious.
